To Friend or Not to Friend….

Thanks to Facebook…friendships, relationships and acquaintanceships have whole new meanings.  It is easy to stay in touch, find out the latest updates and of course get in on some juicy gossip.

A few days ago I came across an old friend’s profile whom I had not spoken to in years. Based on her pictures she seemed to have drifted from deen, the most obvious thing being the way she dressed.

I’m sure we all know of someone who has been through these difficult times, or perhaps have been through it themselves.

I later came to find out that her distance from deen started a while back, she started to take  part in activities that she stood firmly against.  Due to her involvement in such things, her friends started to distant themselves.These friends were trying to be stronger in deen and didn’t want the negative influence.They would get into frequent arguments and eventually just didn’t want to associate with her.

The ‘lost friend’ would initially keep making an effort of staying in touch and hanging out, eventually she stopped making the effort.  Her friends now want to reach out to her but she is unresponsive and not reachable.

What is the correct solution?

I would like to think that a person should stick around in hopes of bringing that friend back to deen.  Implementing and practicing good actions could certainly be a source of positive influence in that lost friend’s life.  It is possible that the friend may have a ‘cause’ to all those changes, and she may need a good friend by her side to help her get through it.

However, on the contrary it could also be difficult to see your friend engage in activities that are harmful to their deen.  A lot of times people don’t know how to handle such situations and may come off as too strong or rough.  Though their roughness comes out of love, but to the ‘lost friend’ it comes off as an attack, thus the need to defend themselves.  Hence, a never ending argument that becomes a lost cause.

Again, my question is then how do you handle such situations? Do you ignore their ‘changes’ and continue your friendship as if you don’t know anything else about them? Is ignorance really a bliss? Is it our responsibility to help them?

Something to contemplate about…

3 thoughts on “To Friend or Not to Friend….

  1. Abeer,
    I can relate I’ve also had friends who have done a complete 360 and who have gone so far from how they were raised. I think sticking around is essential unless there breaking the law or getting involoved in drugs and other things which might put you in at a risk to be associating with that person. I would keep telling that “lost friend” that I’m always there for them but that I do not support their activities that they are partaking in. I don’t think is uncommon for people to go through “phases” and if that’s the case inshallah they will come around soon.

  2. You come up with the awsome-est of topics abeer!
    Reminds me of a very close convert friend that I, unfortunately, lost 🙁 She drifted away… from me, almost all of her muslims friends… and our deen 🙁 I think about her quite often… and though I’ve tried talking to her many times (even though she’s deleted me off of facebook)… it has all been in vain.

    I guess the question is… where do WE draw the line with such friends?
    Every situation is different. But I’d say that it’s safer to keep your distance from such friends. Shaytan can attack us anytime, you know? Maybe the activities she’s involved in may (naudhubillah) seem attractive to us at some point. We coule keep our distance without blatantly telling her that we’re keeping our distance. Just sort of… I guess… be yourself. It’s not that easy though.

    The Prophet (pbuh) advised us to be amongst good company… if we stick to bad company, we may become like them. We should never be so proud and/or positive that shaytan can’t get the better of us. It can happen to the most religious of us all.

    Another point to be noted is that we are in no way responsible for another’s actions and deeds. We are all responsible for our own actions. The “lost friend” is a grown woman with the ability to distinguish between right and wrong. More so since she’s been religious at one point.
    We should never feel guilty if a close friend drifts down the wrong path (though, sometimes that feeling is inevitable… we all feel that we’re guilty at one point), but remember it was the Prophet’s duty to convey the message… NOT to convert the people. The latter part was all in Allah’s Hands. Allah hidayat dete hain…. and InshaAllah I hope this lost friend comes around. Ameen!

  3. Amina,ur comment is so on point and exact! I do agree with u,d prophet severally warned us about keeping bad company. If d friend is an adult with sound intellect,our duty is to advice. If she persist in ruining her own soul,we should take care of ours by moving away but not forsaking. Dua is a tool to win difficult situations. If d friend is a sincere muslim,not one who gives in to her nafs God willing all will sort out. Most importantly,d prophet of Allah salallahu alahi wasallam was reported to have said, a good friend is like a musk carrier if he does not sell to u he’ll give u,if he does not give u, just by walking with him u’ll smell good. While a bad friend is like d bellows from d goldsmith just by being near u smell bad! A friend is a reflection of who we r,and on that day, a man will be by his companion in dunyah!

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