In Sickness and in Health


Does perfect health make a marriage?

I recently heard of a gentleman who is mighty fine looking, highly educated and not to mention living a well to do lifestyle (in other words ‘well-set’). Who would think such a brother is  having a difficult time in getting married?

Well….he is.

The reason is he limps when he walks.

Does this disqualify him from being a suitable match? He has everything going for him, his looks, fun personality, education and financial success.  So should something like that get in the way?

I know of others (both men and women) who are also good looking, highly educated and successful people who have certain ongoing health problems which are becoming a hindrance in their marriage search.

These individuals are loving and living life to the fullest on a daily basis, but because of medications or treatments prospects get scared and immediately turn them down.  It breaks my heart when I hear of such cases and can’t stop thinking about it.  Can I blame the potential prospects for turning them away? Or are they too quick to say no?  For the brother who limps, I cannot imagine why he would get rejected unless his prospects are embarrassed of him.

I can understand people being reluctant when it comes to proposals with health issues.  People worry about fertility and the concern of having to ‘take care’ of their ‘ill’ spouse.  It is human nature to be afraid of the ‘unknown’.

However, if there is a spark and an instant connection between the guy and girl, then there should be no concern. Many Islamic books have mentioned that a good marriage can overcome any hurdle, but a bad marriage would be a life-long hurdle in itself.

For the married couples, we all know marriage is not just a matter of two people playing house.  Looks can only take you so far, and we know that money does not fill a void.  Marriage is a commitment that should be tied with love, trust and mutual understanding.  Often times we know of couples who are living dull and loveless lives. The only thing tying them together is their children.

Certain people are indeed given tests and trials that are clearly beyond their control. Do these people who have exceptional circumstances or cases have no hope of getting married?
People with health challenges may end up having a better perspective on life due to the various tests and trials they had to go through.  Such tests may humble a person, thus making them better spouses.

Don’t get me wrong, I can understand why prospects or their parents may not want to consider individuals with health conditions. However, for those who accept these people for the way they are, then in my book they are pious people.  Such people have a strong eman and know that whatever test they may be put through, with the help of Allah SWT they will get through it.

So on the notion of marriage searching for people with health conditions, how should they go about it? Should they mention their conditions prior to even meeting their prospects? or should they first create an impression so people can look past their health challenges?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, hence the blog post! 🙂

Something to think and respond about…

Hook em up!

To some I am known as an Aunty and to others as a match maker. I am neither of the two. However, if I feel like two people may be suitable for each other than I would love to connect them. Surprisingly, out of many attempts I’ve had 3 success stories, Alhumdulilah.

The concept back in our parent’s day was to take a ‘good-looking’ girl and a ‘wealthy’ guy and BAM you have a match made in heaven; and since both the guy and the girl met at a wedding that means they have similiar backgrounds so that is the major compatibility factor.

These days, we have categories, punjabi, urdu-speaking, khaleeji, traditional, modern, fob, westernized, deeni, deeni-salafi, deeni-sufi, deeni recovering from the wild side, and then you just have the plain confused people who’ll marry a stick. ha..ha kidding.

Living in the U.S, I’ve realized that every household has a culture of their own, therefore finding family compatibility is quite tough.

If you know of two people that may be potentially well suited for each other, then here are a few rules that I abide by that may help you as well:

1. Only helping people that are 2 degrees away. In other words, if Hamida Aunty calls you and mentions her niece’s friend’s cousin is looking to get married, STAY AWAY. When you have a strong connection (like a reliable mutual source) then better the chance that the person suggested is somewhat decent. The weaker the connection, the less you know the prospect, hence the likelihood of them being decent.

2. Family compatibility. Two families being similar means the higher likelihood that they will get along. Problem is, in some families the kids end up being completely different from the parents. Conservative parents may have a liberal child or a uber traditional family may have a strong Muslim son. Sometimes a person may not reflect their family. So next time you feel like a guy and girl may match but their families wouldn’t, give it a shot because a couple’s compatibility may be in the parent’s best interest.

3. Your Opinion. No matter how good you think a guy and girl may be for each other, if they say no then it is a no. Our job is to suggest and to leave it at that. Also, don’t assume what a person may or may not be attracted to. We don’t know what is good for them, therefore let each individual decide for their own.

4. Disclaimer. If you do not know the guy/girl personally, always let both parties know that you do NOT know them personally so they have to do their own research. People may think so and so is a good guy/girl JUST BECAUSE you suggested it. Always give a disclaimer notice.

5. Back away. Try to take yourself out of the process as fast as you can. Get the guy and the girl’s families in touch and let them handle it. If the middleman stays too long in the process then things may get lost in translation. If both parties talk directly then they can get things done faster and better.

These days, it is particularly hard to find a match. I believe that every person knows at least of one other person looking to get married. Therefore if each and every individual collaborated their sources, then we can easily help our brothers and sisters in the marriage-selection process.

If you try to match make, or have had a match made, please share your input on this topic!

Something to network about….