Cutting Off the Umbilical Cord

You think you know yourself…till you hit motherhood.  Motherhood is the ultimate test of your love, patience, wisdom, emotions and of course your sanity.

Eesa was going through a terrible three’s tantrum phase.  He became quite difficult to deal with especially with me being pregnant.  I decided he needed to go to a daycare type program where he can socialize and interact with others.

Since he is a bit behind in speech and comprehension I didn’t think he was quite ready for pre-school.  Daycare seems to be a nice transition from home-to-school. I thought  circle time and play time with snacks in between would prepare him well for pre-K.

The thought of him being gone from anywhere between two to five hours seemed amazing to me.  It would be my break time, my “me” time.  I can concentrate on my part-time job, get my cooking and cleaning done, finish errands here and there and hey maybe even pick up a hobby or two if I managed my time well.

I was drooling thinking about all the time I would have, if you’re a mom then you know how much you can accomplish in a few hours.  The world was waiting for me.

My mother thought it was ironic how ecstatic I was about Eesa starting daycare.  I guess a full time toddler and a rough first trimester really drains you.

The night before his first day of daycare, I was just looking at him sleeping.  When kids are sleeping, they look so innocent.  I instantly started to think, what if the daycare provider didn’t understand him and his own unique language.  She wouldn’t know that “mankin” actually meant “napkin”, “gadget” meant jacket, and “munk” meant kumbul (urdu word for blanket).

I started to get worried and wondered if I was rushing into this. The other part of me told me it is a part of life and this is actually good for him and would give him something to do.

The following morning went by smoothly, he was quite excited to carry heesabackpackis Skip Hop monkey back pack.

As I was driving, I told myself the plan would be to bring him in and stay awhile till he gets settled and then casually leave.  It would be smooth and easy on the both of us, or so I thought.

Well first off, that plan was not how day care protocol worked.  I walked in and the DCP (day care provider) told me that I should make it fast and leave.

I looked at her astonished.  “leave in front of him? just like that?”

I know he’s going to cry a little bit but he’ll be ok, thats the best method,” she exclaimed!

I began to panic, he would cry and I wouldn’t be able to do it.  I desperately began to look around the room and saw ABC magnets, I quickly pointed them out to Eesa.  As soon as he went towards them, I made a run for it.  I could hear him turn around and follow me but I didn’t look back.

One of the most difficult things I have ever done.

I walked out of there extremely upset and could not believe I just left my son like that.  All I could think about is how long he would cry for and would he be ok?

I called my sister for some comfort and of course she didn’t pick up, I call my mother and lo and behold Bob picks up (Side Note: I call my parents Amy and Bob, short for Ammy and Baba).

I told him what happened and his response was

yeah yeah been there done that, what you think we didn’t get upset when we used to drop you guys off? especially your sister, she used to cry and cry, it would break our hearts, but they get over it, its a part of life, you can’t keep him at home.”

Count on Bob to tell it like it is.

I was tempted to text the DCP and ask about Eesa, but I didn’t want to be one of those moms.  Psh, well why not be one of those moms? He’s three for crying out loud!

Needless to say I did end up texting and he was doing fine, he cried for a bit and then started playing–Alhumdulilah.  The DCP was super sweet and understanding.

I, then realized this was the first step to letting go. For two hours that day I did not know what Eesa was doing.  To go from knowing their minute by minute schedule to not knowing what they’re up to for 120 minutes is a pretty big deal. Right now he’s gone for a few hours, then next year it’ll be six hours, then extra-curricular activities, then they might go away for college and you don’t see them for days maybe even weeks.  Lastly, they get married and then you’re officially out of the loop.

At that point, I would like to think I’ll be travelling the world and sipping on some virgin strawberry daiquiris in Sicily, but seeing as how being away two hours is tough, I can’t imagine more than that.

As Bob puts it, it’s a part of life

Toddler First World Problems

1. Hot water not running long enough for steam bath. 

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2. Forgetting to set the DVR to Super Why!

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3. Getting stuck with dad’s old iPhone.

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4. Mom restricting T.V time.

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5. Having to drink low-fat milk to avoid the risk of obesity.

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6. Not having enough space for all the toys.

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7. Getting wiped instead of washed.

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8. Being forced to sleep in their own fancy toddler bed

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9. Having to sit in the car seat. 

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10. Only being able to use rain boots twice and then outgrowing them.

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11. Not having enough breakfast choices. 

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12. Having to eat beef twice in one day.

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13. Not being able to wear shorts in the house due to high AC-cooling.

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14. Not having netflix in the car.

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15. Not having a kids menu or crayons at a restaurant. 

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Can you discipline my child?


Our parents grew up in an era where not only did aunts, uncles and grandparents help discipline a child but along with them the neighbors, teachers and their mamas jumped in too.

In our generation, it would probably go to the extent of aunts-uncles, and grandparents.  I’m not sure how things are presently in Pakistan, but in America your neighbors mind their own business and the teachers better be wise in how they say–what they say.

Now we jump into present-day where some people feel that only the parents have the right to raise their child their way.  I don’t quite agree with this philosophy.  I firmly believe in the fact that it takes an entire family to raise a child.  If Eesa’s grandmother is telling him “don’t touch” then it is for his own good.  The authority figure that you have chosen to watch your child also loves the child and would want to see that child flourish and be the best in his or her manners.

For example, my sister loves my son as her own.  She does everything for him from changing to feeding and everything in between.  Therefore if she were to ever reprimand him for something then that should not bother me.  If she can change his diapers, and spoil him rotten, then she can most certainly help correct him when he’s doing something wrong.

Sometimes, children listen to relatives more than they listen to their own parents; Parents should use that to their advantage.  When I am out, I usually tell my mother-in-law or others to tell Eesa not to do something, because I know he will listen.

Another scenario is when parents leave their children with relatives.  Parents are not around to see their children misbehave, therefore on those occasions I think the authority figure has the right not only to reprimand but perhaps punish them (i.e time out, take a toy away etc.)

If these adults are not given the right to reprimand your children, then the children may take advantage of that and in turn lose respect for their elders. The child would take advantage of that by 1) pushing their boundaries and 2) Not take them seriously if the relatives were to say something.

Another way to look at it is that if a child were to have some sort of problem, then that does not just affect the parents, it affects the entire family.  At that point, the entire family has an obligation to step up and offer whatever advice or help they can.  My nephew is like my son, therefore I would correct him out of love and concern, the same as I were to do for my own son.

My father recently taught my son a lesson in a funny way.  Every time I were to put Eesa in the car seat, he would throw a tantrum.  Naturally, he did the same with my father; My father took him back inside the house and closed the door while leaving Eesa inside.  My father was standing right outside the door for a mere few seconds, and in that time Eesa started knocking on the door.  Baba opened the door, brought him back in the car seat (peacefully) and as he was buckling him, Eesa let out a loud chuckle.  I don’t quite understand the logic, but hey it worked Alhumdulilah!!

So if your family helps you take care of your child, then they should be allowed to discipline them as well.

For the parents who disagree, I would love to hear your viewpoint!

Something to think about…